Movie Review: ‘SUCK’

Alice Cooper, Henry Rollins, and Iggy Pop are the first things that stood out when I read the synopsis of this movie. I thought to myself, if there was a good vampire movie that would come from our neighbors up north, then these guys would spark my interest to see it. I mean, I grew up listening to all these guys and still play their old stuff now. Then I read the next line, which stated this was a rock horror? What he hell is a rock horror? That scared me more then I think any vampire movie has in a long time, and I hadn’t begun to start watching the movie! So this film is about a crappy rock band from Canada. They have a female vocalist who is also the lead singer’s ex- girlfriend.  She hooks up with a creepy fellow one night who ends up being a vampire. So of course he turns her and she returns to the band to give them an extra gimmick that will make them stars.  How does this all end? Read on to find out.

So I really don’t know where to go with this, but I guess I will start off with the music. It was actually pretty good. Now, this is not a horror musical like Repo! The Genetic Opera, but it’s pretty close. Most of the singing happens when the band is playing, but there are also parts when the head vampire named Queeny talks and goes immediately into song. Of course they add a Dracula element to the film as the vamps are getting chased by none other than Malcolm McDowell, who plays the role of Eddie Van Helsing.  I love McDowell because of A Clockwork Orange.  That’s why and nothing more. His role adds some comic humor to the film but his character really has no substance other than to be afraid of the dark.  So, he caries around a flashlight. The lead singer of the band is bent on making his band famous and is kind of  a control freak. His manager gets him nowhere and even fires the vocalist because he is nothing but a lazy drunk. On that same night the bass player Jennifer meets Queeny, he takes her back to his mansion. He and other vamps turn Jennifer into a bloodsucker and send her back to the band. Now obviously the whole sun burning the vampires theory doesn’t apply here as it’s more of a “sun makes the vampires sick” scenario. Jennifer shows up the next day at there gig and the band can tell from the start that there is something wrong with her. The audience members immediately notice that there is something new about Jennifer too and they are put into a trance when ever she plays. Their website and recognition starts to increase due to Jennifer’s new look.  Because of this, the band starts getting opportunities they didn’t have before.  They even decide to go to the studio to record some new material which is headed by the one and only Iggy Pop.  He tells them having a vampire in the band is bad news. One of the funnier aspects of the film is the band’s roadie named Hugo.  He takes on the Reinfield character and does Jennifer’s bidding with the hope that one day he will become immortal.

Eventually the band, one by one, become vampires and even go as far as to kill a shock jock DJ on air who is played by Henry Rollins. Eddie Van Helsing is hot on their trail and warns the lead singer, who is the last to turn, that he will kill all of his band mates.  If he wants to save them they need to take out the head vampire. So, of course he doesn’t listen and gets talked into becoming a vamp with the rest of the band but still thinks they are doing something wrong. All the while, the lead singer Joey is being tormented by a suspicious bartender that seems to show up in his dreams played by Alice Cooper. Once Joey and the band no longer want to continue on their journey for fame, they contact Helsing to get their lives back. They are told to set- up the head vampire and kill him. If they do this they will become humans again. So after more rock ballads by Queeny, who is played by Dimitri Coats from the punk rock band OFF!, they set forth to destroy him to bring an end to their vampire ways. I’ll leave it at that so so as to not spoil the ending.  I will say the film is not really much more than what I have just explained. It tries to be funny in many ways that do not work. Outside of the music, the CGI and effects in the film are very chessy and pretty low budget compared to the actors they have in the film. I will say, this may be one you want to stay away from when it hits the shelves next week.  Wait to catch this on Chiller Network for free sometime in the near future. I guess they spent too much on the talent and not enough on the screenplay!

Travis has been a part of the St. Louis Pop Culture scene since his days as a heavy metal singer. Always a fan of horror, comics, and games Travis started his own personal blog about the St. Louis "nerd" life back in 2000. He soon started his own radio program "The Gutter" in 2006 which featured various types of metal music along with news on the horror industry. He is still active in the St. Louis music and pop culture scene and is known by many.

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